


Cummies

by KakyouiNoriaki (orphan_account)



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KakyouiNoriaki
Summary: ONE CUMMIETWO CUMMIETHREE CUMMIEFOUR





	

**Author's Note:**

> I made this in an hour don't comment on bad grammar
> 
> "何ってたか、てめえ？特殊作戦群の卒業クラスでは一番だった俺は無数のアルカイダに反して極秘の使命に関わったし、公認キルは３００人以上なんだぞ。游撃戦兵で、自衛隊の最高の狙撃兵だ。てめえなんてありがたりの目標、それだけ。間違いない、この世に見たことない正確にぶっこわすぞ。ネットでそんな悪い口なんて許せると思うのか？考えなおせ。話しながら日本中のスパイネットワークを呼んで、IPをたどってるので、嵐のために準備を。生活と言う可哀想さの殲滅を持ってくる嵐だ。お前はもう死んでいる。is the "What the fuck did you say about me you little bitch?" meme

It was a nice, sunny day in Ikebukuro. Everyone was smiling, even the usually angry Shizuo Heiwajima.

"Hey, Shizuo," Tom began, grabbing Shizuo's attention, "how come you've been smiling all day?"

Shizuo's grin grew wider at the question, and he answered, "Tom-san, today is the day I finally kill that annoying flea."

"I support your statement, Shizuo-senpai, but don't you say this everyday?" Varona asked with uncertainty.

"Yeah, she's right."

A short silence fell over the three. "Well, today's the day I  _will_ kill him!" Shizuo said, running off in the direction of Izaya's apartment.

* * *

 

Once he reached the tall building, he waved to the receptionist, and began making his way to the elevator.

"Excuse me for intruding, but is there a reason you visit Orihara-san so often?" the lady asked, stopping him.

Without skipping a beat, Shizuo calmly replied, "Everytime I come, I fail at killing him, so I have to keep coming. But I can assure you, this is the last time I'll be here!" he smiled and flashed a thumbs-up at her, before continuing his walk.

As he waited in the elevator, he began to wonder what life without Izaya would be like. He was quickly snapped out of his thoughts by the feeling of something running down his cheek. "Damnit....I can't wait to kill that bastard," he thought, trying to stop the tears of joy that were threatening to spill. Luckily, he made it in time, as the door opened seconds after he wiped them away. He grinned, spotting the apartment door in the corner of his eye. 

"This is it...." he said aloud, turning the doorknob slowly.

Surprisingly, the door opened, so he stepped inside. 

"I~za~ya~ku~nnnnnn~!" Shizuo yelled. "Got any last words?"

Suddenly, Izaya stepped out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and his usual smirk. As he took a deep breath, Shizuo's grin faltered slightly. "Just me and my daddy hanging out I got pretty hungry so I started to pout He asked if I was down for something yummy I asked "what?" and he said he'd give me his cummies Yeah yeah I drink them, I slurp them, I swallow them whole It makes daddy happy so it's my only goal Harder daddy, harder daddy One cummie, two cummies, three cummies, four I'm daddy's princess but I'm also a whore He makes me feel squishy He makes me feel good He makes me feel everything a little should What, what?"

Shizuo stared at Izaya. "What......the fuck...."

"They're my last words!" Izaya laughed. "I found it on this website called 'r-e-d-d-i-t.com,' it's apparently called a 'mee-mee'!'"

Shizuo wasn't sure how to reply to that. "So....you're a whore? I don't get it."

Izaya frowned. "Of course I'm not! I pride myself on my purity! But, I could make an exception for you, if you want..." he laughed at the last part. 

"What the fuck...you're not the flea......where is he...." 

"Of course I am! How else would my knife be right above your head?"

Shizuo looked at, and saw a knife buried into the wall, just a hair away from his head.  "What the fuck is a 'mee-mee'..." 

"They're funny jokes, Shizu-chan. Wanna hear another one?"

"No I really do-"

"何ってたか、てめえ？特殊作戦群の卒業クラスでは一番だった俺は無数のアルカイダに反して極秘の使命に関わったし、公認キルは３００人以上なんだぞ。游撃戦兵で、自衛隊の最高の狙撃兵だ。てめえなんてありがたりの目標、それだけ。間違いない、この世に見たことない正確にぶっこわすぞ。ネットでそんな悪い口なんて許せると思うのか？考えなおせ。話しながら日本中のスパイネットワークを呼んで、IPをたどってるので、嵐のために準備を。生活と言う可哀想さの殲滅を持ってくる嵐だ。お前はもう死んでいる。"

"Stop..." Shizuo said impatiently.

"Whew! That really took my breath away!" Izaya breathed.

"Yeah, and I'll take your breath away when I KILL YOU!" Shizuo yelled.

"Wow, so violent. Well, I need to ask you to wait a bit, I need to tell everyone I know about these 'mee-mees.' Consider yourself lucky, you're the first person I told," Izaya smiled. "Well, I can't let my food burn, so get going now. Next time I see you, you'll be dead, not me!" He called out from the kitchen.

Shizuo left, feeling exhausted. On the way out, the receptionist asked, "Did you....actually kill Orihara-san..?" 

"Next time....he'll be dead for sure...." Shizuo said, looking down.

* * *

When he reached his home, he began to cry again. But this time, not out of joy. "Damnit....BASTARDDDD! I'LL KILL YOU, IZAYAAAAAAAA!"

Unknown to Shizuo, Izaya was also yelling his name, but in an entirely different manner.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i think this fic is a good representation of my life (:


End file.
